


Beep Boop Screwdriver

by EdgarAllenPoet



Series: [REDACTED] [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Failboats In Love, Suggestive Conversations, unsafe robot roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 11:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19272331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarAllenPoet/pseuds/EdgarAllenPoet
Summary: “Kinky how?” she asked.  “Whatcha got, big boy? Top three ideas, lay ‘em on me.”“Uh…” he stuttered.  “Uh… uh, robots.”





	Beep Boop Screwdriver

Lup would not ever confess that this had anything to do with her.  When she suggested “spicing things up” she’d imagined something more conventional, something you could buy in an adult store.  Not this. And honestly, could you blame her? They’d been together for a decade now, which wasn’t long in the scope of things, but it was forever in the scope of sex.  It had been fun and adventurous at first, navigating the differences between human and elf anatomy, learning preferences, making mistakes, and doing it all with giddy butterflies that come with exploring a new lover.  Now their sex life consisted of the two of them trying to bone as quickly, quietly, and conveniently as possible in the time between disasters and in a way that wouldn’t alert the five other people on board.

 

She didn’t know what she really expected.  She knew Barry. She was practically married to Barry.  Beyond their personal relationship, she’d spent sixty damn years on a spaceship with him.  When she said, “Honey, we should try something kinky,” she shouldn’t have been surprised that he turned three shades of red and started stuttering.

 

She’d laughed and said, “Nevermind, babe, don’t worry about it,” and he’d sputtered back indignantly.  

 

“I can be kinky.”

 

She’d picked a stray piece of fuzz off the sofa and flicked it at him.  He batted it away and glanced sideways at the door, and she wondered if maybe she should have brought this up somewhere more private than the Starblaster living room-- empty or otherwise.

 

“Kinky how?” she asked.  “Whatcha got, big boy? Top three ideas, lay ‘em on me.”  She was teasing him, mostly, having far too much fun getting him flustered.  Still, a normal person would say handcuffs, or vibrators, or lingerie or something.  But her nerd wasn’t any ordinary person-- he was a full damn idiot.

 

“Uh…” he stuttered.  “Uh… uh, robots.”

 

They stared at each other.  Lup blinked slowly. “Um,” she said.  “Robots.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Babe…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What the fuck?”

 

She cracked a smile.  Barry started laughing.  “What?” he asked, grinning, while Lup gave up her resolve and started cackling.  “What! It’s the first thing I could think of! It’s totally a thing!”

 

“It really isn’t!” Lup burst out amongst bouts of laughter.

 

“Yeah!” he protested.  “Like… like… sex cyborg maintenance inspection, or-- I don’t know!”  He picked up a screwdriver from an abandoned project on the coffee table and motioned with it, while Lup fell over laughing and pushed him away with her foot.

 

“If that thing comes anywhere near me, I swear on the Light of Creation, I’ll--”

 

He caught her ankle, tugged her down the couch, and climbed over her.  He wiggled the screwdriver menacingly. She laughed and squirmed beneath him, trying to shove him away or grab the tool without accidentally throwing him off the couch or getting either of them stabbed.

 

“Far too rowdy for a robot, we’ll have to do a factory reset.”  He poked behind her ear with a finger, not the screwdriver, and she shrieked with ticklish laughter.

 

“Barold J Bluejeans, did you just threaten murder!?”

 

He grinned down at her.  “Sexy murder?”

 

“You are the absolute worst at this, get offa me--”

 

“Naughty robot--”

 

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway.

 

They both froze, Lup’s hands clutching Barry’s wrist and holding the screwdriver far above the both of them, her other hand shoving back at his hip.  Him half-kneeling between her legs with one hand, coincidentally, settled in the middle of her chest to prop himself up. They froze, whipped around to see Davenport in the doorway, and Barry dropped the screwdriver in shock.

 

It smacked Lup straight in the forehead.  She yelped, Barry gasped, and Davenport pinched the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh.

 

“See to that injury, Dr. Hallwinter,” he instructed, using titles and last names the way he had exclusively for their first year or two of the mission.  He only used them now when they were testing his patience. “Dinner is ready and waiting.”

 

He turned on heel and left the room, and before he was out of earshot, they both collapsed, laughing into each other’s necks so hard they were crying.

 

“His fault!” Lup yelled at his retreating back, still maintaining her absolute innocence in the situation.  She could not be associated with an idea that bad. She yelled, “It was entirely his idea!” and then screamed when Barry blew a raspberry against her jaw.


End file.
